I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
