I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
