There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
