Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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