I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
