So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
