You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
