Got a toothbrush?
Can i not drive my cunt home
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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