i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There's always time for handjobs
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
