sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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