I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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