when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
whose parrot is this?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
