farters have to be the big spoon...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
