I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
