I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
