end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
