put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
