worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
