Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
