9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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