At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
