I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
