There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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