she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
