if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
