I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This house was built for laser tag.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
