Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
