his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
