All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
