I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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