Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
