I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
