i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
