That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
