the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
