She is in my trunk
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
