I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
