You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
