When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We talked him into tasing himself.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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