Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
