I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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