i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
