So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
