turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
