I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
