i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
