All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
