your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
