Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
