I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
