he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
